RESILIENCE
Definition:
‘Thick skin’, tough-minded, able to deal with setbacks, ‘grit’, ‘steel’, focussed – not easily distracted from task, self-belief, able to depersonalise comment
Breaks resilience:
• Lack of trust
• Decisions overturned
• Failure, getting it wrong, lack of competence
• Feeling excluded, being undermined
• Poor sight of objectives
• Poor working environment, inadequate resources
• Personal /other stresses
• Lack of progress
• Bored, tired
• Overawed
• Lack of support, lack of team spirit
Builds resilience:
• Experience
• Accept mistakes and learn from them
• Self-belief
• Trust and support – peers, team members, bosses
• Healthy competition
• Success, winning (or being part of …)
• Acknowledgement, praise – external / internal
• Achievable objectives
• Successful experience of overcoming adversity
How to build resilience for self:
1. make sure your purpose is clear – to you and to others
2. focus on your goals
3. believe in your goals
4. communicate confidence (behave as if you are confident)
5. be open to learning from all experiences
6. build self-belief –
o affirmations
o challenge your beliefs to check that they are helpful to you and if not change those beliefs (eg ‘who are you to ….?’ Becomes ‘shine your light and let others shine theirs’)
o give yourself permission (eg to not be perfect, just good enough)
o visualisation (eg imagine yourself handling a situation well and keep playing the ‘tape’ until you believe you can handle it well)
7. be self-aware of your coping style (eg do you need a friendly ear to talk to, do you want space, etc)
8. say ‘No’ and do so in an acceptable way, (eg offer alternatives, make your needs clear)
Friday 28 May 2010
Monday 10 May 2010
How to break the stress cycle
Are you feeling stressed?
Are you one of the many of us, who live your life under constant stress, so you have forgotten what it feels like to be without any pressures on your mind? Everyday worries occupy your mind constantly – that’s normal isn’t it? Add to your personal worries the challenges about work, dealing with family issues, a friend who talks through their stuff with you, and pretty soon all but the most resilient person is no longer functioning well.
These pressures slowly build up in such a way that we often don’t recognise what we now have to cope with and how our coping mechanisms are becoming compromised. So what are the things to look out for that indicate we are under stress and ‘no longer firing on all cylinders’?
Stress indicators:
o You find it difficult to get started on a major task? You keep putting it off, maybe because it is ‘too big’ or needs quality thinking time …
o You find that you are busy all day, but at the end of the day can’t point to what you have achieved?
o You feel tired most of the time and lethargic?
o You find that while you are working on one task, you are thinking about another? You can’t concentrate?
o Are you more emotional than usual – quick to get angry or upset? Or a general feeling of apathy? Or giggling almost hysterically at things?
o Are you not sleeping well? Tossing and turning, unable to get to sleep, or waking up in the early hours and unable to get back to sleep?
o Do you not want to get up in the morning? And find you’re going to bed quite late, having been busy at stuff all evening?
o You find yourself more easily distracted than usual?
o Are nearly all the jobs you are doing the most urgent ones?
o Are you working longer hours, but not getting more done?
o You find you have no time for proper meals and are regularly grabbing something to eat in a hurry or missing meals altogether, filling in with snacks?
o Are your hobbies suffering – no time even for a few exercises or maybe you overdo it?
o You’re attitude to people has changed and you find you are less tolerant?
o Are you eating ‘comfort foods’ frequently?
o Are you taking more ‘drugs’, eg smoking, drinking, etc
o Do you engage is displacement activity, such as retail therapy?
o Are you more erratic and irrational in traffic – road rage?
The more of these indicators that apply to you, the more stressed you are likely to be. You probably realise that your life is currently out of balance, but don’t know how to break this and get back on an even keel and get your energy for life back.
Dealing with the situation:
What can you do to break out of this cycle and get the situation under control?
Take a break and detach yourself from the situation so you can review it from a ‘distance’ and make some decisions on what you can change. Ideally take a holiday, this could be what you need to rejuvenate your batteries as well. If a holiday is not on the cards, then at least take a full weekend off, preferably go away, so you are not tempted to do any household tasks and the phone isn’t ringing. A relaxed environment would be helpful here, so you can get out for walks or exercise in the fresh air.
Review constructively – write your analysis down, so it doesn’t go round and round in your head. You could use a tool like the wheel of life to assess the mix of issues and their impact.
Wheel of Life
Directions: The 8 sections of the Wheel of Life represent balance across the major categories in life, if these categories don’t suit you, you can change them to what makes up your life. Typical categories are: Career, Money, Health, Life partner, Friends & family, Fun/hobbies/recreation, Physical environment (home/work), Personal growth.
Divide each segment in two to create 16 wedges. The left half of each segment represents the amount of effort you put into this category and the right half represents your level of satisfaction with the results.
Regarding the centre of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, score each life area by drawing a line to create a new outer edge, first for effort, then for results.
It may be easier to do this review and problem solving with someone – a friend or a coach – who will help you see things from a balanced perspective and who will encourage the right actions.
Prioritise the areas by importance to you and by value. Eg work might be high in value as the income pays for other things, but it may not be that important to you in other ways (it’s not a career, etc).
Now work out how much time you want to devote to each area over a typical month or week. Compare this with what is currently happening and identify the gaps – what must you stop doing in order to be able to spend more time in the areas you neglect?
Identify important areas that you are not satisfied in and then which aspects need you to do something. For each aspect identify actions you could take to make progress towards satisfaction. From the list of possible actions, identify what you will do and when you will start doing it. What is the first step you will take & when?
Analysis and action planning is one course to help deal with stress in your life, for more on techniques to build your resilience, contact amanda@amandabouchconsulting.co.uk
This article was written by Amanda Bouch of ABC – Amanda Bouch Consulting. Amanda is an experienced management consultant and accredited coach, see www.amandabouchconsulting.co.uk
Are you one of the many of us, who live your life under constant stress, so you have forgotten what it feels like to be without any pressures on your mind? Everyday worries occupy your mind constantly – that’s normal isn’t it? Add to your personal worries the challenges about work, dealing with family issues, a friend who talks through their stuff with you, and pretty soon all but the most resilient person is no longer functioning well.
These pressures slowly build up in such a way that we often don’t recognise what we now have to cope with and how our coping mechanisms are becoming compromised. So what are the things to look out for that indicate we are under stress and ‘no longer firing on all cylinders’?
Stress indicators:
o You find it difficult to get started on a major task? You keep putting it off, maybe because it is ‘too big’ or needs quality thinking time …
o You find that you are busy all day, but at the end of the day can’t point to what you have achieved?
o You feel tired most of the time and lethargic?
o You find that while you are working on one task, you are thinking about another? You can’t concentrate?
o Are you more emotional than usual – quick to get angry or upset? Or a general feeling of apathy? Or giggling almost hysterically at things?
o Are you not sleeping well? Tossing and turning, unable to get to sleep, or waking up in the early hours and unable to get back to sleep?
o Do you not want to get up in the morning? And find you’re going to bed quite late, having been busy at stuff all evening?
o You find yourself more easily distracted than usual?
o Are nearly all the jobs you are doing the most urgent ones?
o Are you working longer hours, but not getting more done?
o You find you have no time for proper meals and are regularly grabbing something to eat in a hurry or missing meals altogether, filling in with snacks?
o Are your hobbies suffering – no time even for a few exercises or maybe you overdo it?
o You’re attitude to people has changed and you find you are less tolerant?
o Are you eating ‘comfort foods’ frequently?
o Are you taking more ‘drugs’, eg smoking, drinking, etc
o Do you engage is displacement activity, such as retail therapy?
o Are you more erratic and irrational in traffic – road rage?
The more of these indicators that apply to you, the more stressed you are likely to be. You probably realise that your life is currently out of balance, but don’t know how to break this and get back on an even keel and get your energy for life back.
Dealing with the situation:
What can you do to break out of this cycle and get the situation under control?
Take a break and detach yourself from the situation so you can review it from a ‘distance’ and make some decisions on what you can change. Ideally take a holiday, this could be what you need to rejuvenate your batteries as well. If a holiday is not on the cards, then at least take a full weekend off, preferably go away, so you are not tempted to do any household tasks and the phone isn’t ringing. A relaxed environment would be helpful here, so you can get out for walks or exercise in the fresh air.
Review constructively – write your analysis down, so it doesn’t go round and round in your head. You could use a tool like the wheel of life to assess the mix of issues and their impact.
Wheel of Life
Directions: The 8 sections of the Wheel of Life represent balance across the major categories in life, if these categories don’t suit you, you can change them to what makes up your life. Typical categories are: Career, Money, Health, Life partner, Friends & family, Fun/hobbies/recreation, Physical environment (home/work), Personal growth.
Divide each segment in two to create 16 wedges. The left half of each segment represents the amount of effort you put into this category and the right half represents your level of satisfaction with the results.
Regarding the centre of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, score each life area by drawing a line to create a new outer edge, first for effort, then for results.
It may be easier to do this review and problem solving with someone – a friend or a coach – who will help you see things from a balanced perspective and who will encourage the right actions.
Prioritise the areas by importance to you and by value. Eg work might be high in value as the income pays for other things, but it may not be that important to you in other ways (it’s not a career, etc).
Now work out how much time you want to devote to each area over a typical month or week. Compare this with what is currently happening and identify the gaps – what must you stop doing in order to be able to spend more time in the areas you neglect?
Identify important areas that you are not satisfied in and then which aspects need you to do something. For each aspect identify actions you could take to make progress towards satisfaction. From the list of possible actions, identify what you will do and when you will start doing it. What is the first step you will take & when?
Analysis and action planning is one course to help deal with stress in your life, for more on techniques to build your resilience, contact amanda@amandabouchconsulting.co.uk
This article was written by Amanda Bouch of ABC – Amanda Bouch Consulting. Amanda is an experienced management consultant and accredited coach, see www.amandabouchconsulting.co.uk
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